Give Yourself Permission to ...

It’s funny how we often wait for others to give us permission to do the things that we know, deep down, we ought to do. It’s curious how we often wait for circumstances (or create circumstances, consciously or not) to force the point until our much-needed decisions feel more justified.

This is especially evident in matters of health and wellness.

I was recently reading a biography of Martin Luther King Jr., and one of the things that I was surprised to learn about him was his history of hospitalizations for depression, stress and burnout. Like many people he would push himself to the limits—the limits of what he could take physically, the limits of what he could take emotionally—and then he would have to pick up the pieces afterward via vacation or hospitalization.

One especially interesting passage from the King biography said this: “The week after the huge march in New York (an antiwar protest in 1963), King told (Stanley) Levison (a friend and advisor) he had been hospitalized briefly for a series of tests. Doctors said he was fine, but King said he had been hoping they might order him to rest for a few weeks. There was no rest in sight. King took to the road again …”

 Martin Luther King Jr. was an intelligent man, and yet when every fiber of his own intuition and spirit told him he needed rest and recovery, he wouldn’t do it unless a “doctor ordered it so.”

Why? Likely because he was afraid of being judged by others. If he proactively did the right thing for his health at the expense of other commitments, would he be seen as selfish? He likely feared that others might say he was weak. He likely feared that others might say he was disloyal to commitments. He likely feared that others might say he was neglecting the needs of others in order to focus on himself.

But guess what? When it comes to health & wellness, we need to be selfish. And we need to trust our intuition and then be decisive. As the saying goes, you can’t serve from an empty cup.

When every fiber of our being is telling us that we need rest, then we need to find ways to reduce stress and rest. Even if it means saying no to social or professional commitments for a period of time, we need to find rest. Even if it means being less objectively productive for a period of time, we need to shake up the status quo.  

When every fiber of our being is telling us that the job just isn’t a proper fit anymore—that it is eroding our optimism and enthusiasm, that it is leaving us depressed or anxious—then we need to move on to something else, even if others don’t agree or can’t see the logic in our decision. Even if it means making some sacrifices in the way of immediate financial cushion or security we must put health and wellness first.  

When every fiber of our being is telling us that some commitment is becoming an albatross around our necks, weighing us down to the point of soul fatigue, then we need to free ourselves from it - even if it means disappointing others. Being a people pleaser seldom leads us where we want to go in life anyway.

We don’t need to wait for a doctor or counselor or supervisor to give us permission to do these things. We don’t need to have these things stamped “approved” by friends or family in order to move forward on them.

What changes have you been considering recently, perhaps in silence, that you’ve felt indecisive about? What signals have you been receiving—from others, from God, from the Universe He breathed into life, from your body, from your intuition—that might be pointing you in the direction of a healthy and necessary change?

Maybe you’ve fantasized about how the change might happen without you really having to make the decision at all. Maybe your job has been wearing you down with chronic stress and a lack of fulfillment, but you feel tied in by expectations or the “golden handcuffs” of a stable salary and benefits package. Maybe you’ve daydreamed of the corporate office closing your workplace, or even of getting fired so you could finally move in a new direction.

Guess what? You can move in a new direction. Start dreaming of a way in which to do it on your own terms.

Maybe you’ve fantasized about taking a deep rest (because you’re de-pressed), but you feel as if it would be impossible to do so without raising the proverbial eyebrows of others and maybe even drawing their ire. Maybe you’ve fantasized about winter storms shutting the community down so you could have several “snow days” in a row. Maybe you’ve even daydreamed about “getting sick” so you could back out of a commitment that you are just too depleted to push through.

Before you actually make yourself sick in order to justify the rest, why don’t you find a way to give it to yourself., on your own terms. Ask yourself: “What stressors can I take off my own plate? How can I get away for a few days or a few weeks? How can I carve out more time for self-care and hobbies.”

Start dreaming of a way.

The bottom line is this: Doctor’s offices are filled with people who are either too lazy or too timid and indecisive to make healthy choices regarding their own bodies, minds, and time. Remember, these things are yours, and if you don’t value them and proactively and regularly make choices that honor their sanctity then you won’t feel well (And you won’t be of much service to those you truly care about either.)

Starting today, give yourself permission to …

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MICHAEL PRIEBE is a writer and life coach who has helped individuals from all over the world find positive transformations in their lives. To connect with him in coaching please visit www.michaelpriebe.com