BE LIKE BENJIE
Lessons on how to be a better person, learned from my cat.
(Excerpts from the Manuscript)
Project Summary: For nearly 20 years my male calico, Benjie, brought joy and companionship to my life. He also taught me a thing or two about how to live better. In this book I share these lessons on life and love with readers.
Introduction
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Nearly everyone who has known the irreplaceable love of a special pet has also known the immense pain of saying goodbye to that pet (and those who haven’t yet will someday). Unfortunately, the animals we love so dearly—the ones who become a piece of our hearts and a part of our families—don’t stick around forever.
But their memories and energy can live on. Their legacies can endure. The humorous, boisterous, and poignant times we shared with them can become lore that both instructs and brings everlasting joy to others.
And that, in part, is why I am writing this book—to share with you what Benjie gave me: the joy, the peace, and the instructions for living well. I believe we can all use more of these things.
Yes, I want to memorialize the beautiful personality of my male calico, with whom I shared nearly twenty years on this earth; and yes I want to pay homage to the special bond we had together.
I have a deep desire, obviously, to make sure that what he brought to my heart carries on in my heart forever. But I also have a strong desire to dig deeper, to explore WHY he brought me joy and peace and to extrapolate on how that knowledge can be used as a wellness tool for all of us.
Just as we can learn from children, I believe, we can learn from our pets. As human adults we often complicate things for ourselves, and willingly (if not wittingly) go along with a “hamster wheel” existence that can suck the energy and joy out of life and leave us angry, cynical, and depressed.
As human adults we often focus on money, productivity, appearance, social status, and professional esteem, and when these things don’t line up with our expectations of where they ought to be (often this comes from comparing ourselves to others), we feel empty and worthless.
But guess what? Our pets don’t care about any of that shit.
They don’t care about how much money we have. They don’t care about how productive we are. They don’t seem to care about our physical appearance (I’ve seen plenty of pet owners with appearances that only a dog or cat could love) and they definitely don’t care about our social status or job title.
Our pets love us on a deep and unconditional level that in a very real way can remind us of the character and love of God. Their love reminds us we are special and it also reminds us of how we ought to love the people in our lives.
Nowadays you can drive yourself absolutely batty looking for self-help answers in a trillion different corners: on radio shows, in celebrity interviews, from amateur gurus on social media, from career academics, from snooty doctors and sallow psychiatrists, and on it goes.
But such an exhaustive and modern search for psychological and emotional wellness usually comes up empty. It gets too expensive, too convoluted, too exhausting; and it often falls prey to the greed and ill-intentions of charlatans and morons.
Oftentimes the most profound and applicable wisdom is found in the most unlikely of places, in the “simplest” of places.
Why don’t we try a different approach to mental and emotional health, I say, one that is informed by our pets? They seem to have something figured out, after all.
Our pets usually seem pretty happy, and they usually make us pretty happy as well.
Why don’t we let them teach us about better mental and emotional wellness? Why don’t we let them teach us about living well and being well?
Here is what my lovely Benjie taught me. I hope that my sharing of these stories helps you to find greater peace, joy, humor, and depth in your life.
Give Yourself Something to Look
Forward to Each Day
Have you ever heard a cat sing?
When we think of the sounds a cat might make, perhaps a salutary and brief “meow” comes to mind. Or otherwise the deep and rhythmic purr that that vibrates out from their very souls when they are feeling relaxed (which seems to be quite often).
But singing? I’d never heard a cat do that before, and honestly at first I didn’t know what to make of it.
It would happen in the early morning hours, usually when my wife and I were still in bed. Curiously, it never happened in front of us.
From somewhere off in the distance, possibly the kitchen, we’d hear a passionate feline tenor.
It would go something like: Meerrrow, Meeerrrroowww. Meerrrow, Meeerrroowww!”
The first Meerrrow was succinct, the second drawn out. And he’d repeat these verses several times.
The first time my wife and I heard this display of emotion coming from Benjie, I’m sure we dismissed it as an anomaly.
But by the hundredth time it was clear there must be some explanation for it.
I Googled the sounds Benjie was making, and the answers I got seemed to indicate that cats do indeed sing when they are feeling happy.
So Benjie was singing. But why? What exactly was he expressing?
I did a little reconnaissance mission, trying to catch Benjie in the act, but lo and behold it seemed as if he got a little shy with his talents when he knew he was being watched. Like a human who only sings in the shower, it seemed he had his comfort limits.
Nevertheless, with persistence I was eventually able to tie his general whereabouts when crooning to the vicinity of his food and water bowls.
Mystery solved. Benjie was singing each morning after enjoying a nice breakfast.
Singing was his response to breakfast, or rather his response to enjoying a beautiful morning that included breakfast.
His singing was an expression of gratitude, joy, and contentment.
He’d wake up from a restful night’s sleep, happy to have enjoyed a comfortable bed in close proximity to both our bedroom and his kitchen/bathroom areas, and then he’d saunter over to his breakfast buffet, anticipating a fine meal.
No matter how many days in a row he’d enjoyed that particular meal of dry cat food, usually a chicken and rice blend, the culinary delights spoke to his taste buds anew each morning.
Even after literally thousands and thousands of days in a row of eating the same meal, for him it was a pleasure.
He looked forward to it each morning. He probably dreamt about it during the nighttime, allowing his slumber to be just that much sweeter.
Benjie had a daily ritual and treat, that early morning meal, and that gave him joy. And in response to that joy, he offered up thanksgiving to the Lord. He turned his little head up toward the sky and let out the song of his heart.
His song was about more than simply saying “my stomach is full,” I think. It was a display of gratitude to the Lord and to us, his parents and friends. He was grateful for his home, for his bed, for another morning in the presence of his loved ones, and for his beloved breakfast that tasted oh so good after a restorative night’s sleep.
Yes he enjoyed deep sleep, as most felines are inclined to, but he also looked forward to waking up. He looked forward to seeing us, he looked forward to grabbing a little sun through the window, and he looked forward to that delectable breakfast.
One lesson we can all learn is this: We must give ourselves a reason to look forward to waking up each morning.
We must give ourselves little things to look forward to in a day. That way, even in times of trouble, we have a small oasis toward which we are motivated to keep moving.
This all brings to mind the story of manager I once had when I worked in the testing department of a large technical college. He was a decent and softspoken man, a fan of baseball and a guy who would enjoy a good beer. He also worked a lot. By means of his position and salary he was expected to work a lot, and so he was often at the office morning, noon, night, and even on Saturdays.
Like anyone else this manager of mine would get tired. And like many of us he had experienced loss in his life and struggled with occasional bouts of low mood.
In one particularly difficult season of his life, my manager had lost his best friend in a car accident. Perhaps this had occurred while he was already feeling the weight of his own life stresses and emotional battles and simply compounded matters.
For a period of time, it was evident he was struggling. But he was enduring. He was finding ways to get himself to work, and he was finding reasons to keep moving forward in life.
At this same time I also happened to be walking through my own personal battlefields. Coming off prescription medications after more than a dozen years of use had me neurochemically depleted, and on top of that I was simply feeling burnt out from life. I had never experienced such deep and dark depression, such jolting anxiety, such mental unrest, such emotional assault, and such bone-weary fatigue.
I too was looking for a foothold each day, something to keep me from falling into the depths of despair—a way to keep moving forward.
One morning my manager recounted to me something that he’d heard on the radio, probably on a morning show as he drove to work. A lady had called into the station, talking about how the thought of the next morning’s breakfast had her so excited at night that she couldn’t sleep. The mere anticipation of the savory pancakes she would enjoy had her tossing and turning in blissful anticipation at night.
No matter what else the next day held for her in the way of stress—no matter what challenges she’d be forced to brave in her personal or professional life—breakfast gave her something to look forward to.
I thought I sensed a true glint of hope in my manager’s eyes as he laughed at this story. He seemed to take heart from the idea of this woman looking forward to her morning pancakes. If a person could find one thing, just one little thing that could give them pleasure, relief, or meaning in the day, then that could be enough to keep them going. My manger seemed to glean this comforting realization from the pancake caller, and I found the lady’s anecdote very encouraging as well.
As I got healthier and stronger in the years that followed, I transformed from a man who’d skipped breakfast for many years to one who couldn’t go without it. A lavish breakfast indeed became a mainstay of my mornings (along with coffee, devotion and prayer time, journaling, and oftentimes a bath).
I would make my own recipe of protein pancakes, or mix up steel cut oats, and top it all with cool whip, yogurt, and all sorts of colorful fruits—granny smith apples, red raspberries, plump blueberries, fragrant strawberries, and nutritious bananas.
That or I would put together a salad with tomatoes and peppers on the side of a healthy scrambled egg dish.
Sometimes, if I’d wake up in the night, I too found myself looking forward to the morning so that I could enjoy my breakfast.
Give yourself things to look forward to each day: a movie, a cup of coffee or tea, a workout, a happy hour, time set aside with God, a nice meal, time outdoors, time browsing in a store, time with a loved one.
Time with your pet.
Give yourself things to look forward to each day. And even during the difficult seasons of your life, give thanks to God for each of them.
Also, if the mood strikes you, you could even sing in the shower or kitchen after breakfast. No judgements here.
